In the past two weeks I have had to relive some tragic and destructive memories from twenty-six years ago, then relive it again as I grade the papers from those in prison and 'see, hear, read' their nightmares, and watch family members hurt and be hurt by each other. This message of pain is unrelenting. It will not stop. I have taken it all in and allowed it to grow bitterness, anger, and resentment, and let's not forget my favorite companion, Self Pity.
I finally came to a point of hopelessness and helplessness and today I told Tommy that I was done with the bad dreams that overcame me each night and with living this way. (Last night I dreamed I was in prison and could not find my uniform - aftermath from the stories I heard in yesterday's visit.)
I had been swallowing trash for days and days. It just stayed inside me, festering and growing to the point of poison. As I lay in bed this morning, I realized I was holding on to the pain and suffering of others all the while growing my own. A picture of a sieve came to mind. I googled it.
A sieve, or sifter, is a device for separating wanted elements from unwanted material or for characterizing the particle size distribution of a sample, typically using a woven screen such as a mesh or net or metal. The word "sift" derives from "sieve".
So yes, perfect metaphor...only my sieve was clogged. Jesus takes our trash, washes it, and what is left in the sieve is clean. Washed. I forgot I was clean and washed. I just forgot.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
And so I will be a sieve, and not hold on to the garbage of others. It will sift through me and filter out, so that I can pray for them without reliving the pain all the time. I will not judge a person by the trials they are under. Trials will come for us all.
This morning in my reading of Hosea..(yes, still there), I read my next study passage and in it was a picture of me.
Hosea 12:3-6 In the womb he took his brother by the heel, and in his manhood he strove with God. He strove with the angel and prevailed; he wept and sought his favor. He met God at Bethel, and there God spoke with us - the LORD, the God of hosts, the LORD is his memorial name: "So you, by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God."
I will try to do just that.
Yesterday was our last small group meeting at the prison. Next week this study will end and we will be all together. I want to give you some quotes from our time together.
Me: How was your week?
R: Every day above ground is a good day.
T: This body is just a temporary shelter.
Me: I have loved being in here with y'all and getting to know you. I know I look like the middle of an Oreo cookie in here. (They are all African American.)
V: No, Miss June. You are a treasure.
T: God sent you to us.
And with that I cried and was so thankful to be the one in that room that day.
May the Lord be glorified in our most difficult times, in our most difficult places, and may we realize that we are made clean by His blood.
A sieve, or sifter, is a device for separating wanted elements from unwanted material or for characterizing the particle size distribution of a sample, typically using a woven screen such as a mesh or net or metal. The word "sift" derives from "sieve".
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| I mixed a mexican meatloaf this morning for the crock pot and had to rinse the beans. |
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
And so I will be a sieve, and not hold on to the garbage of others. It will sift through me and filter out, so that I can pray for them without reliving the pain all the time. I will not judge a person by the trials they are under. Trials will come for us all.
This morning in my reading of Hosea..(yes, still there), I read my next study passage and in it was a picture of me.
Hosea 12:3-6 In the womb he took his brother by the heel, and in his manhood he strove with God. He strove with the angel and prevailed; he wept and sought his favor. He met God at Bethel, and there God spoke with us - the LORD, the God of hosts, the LORD is his memorial name: "So you, by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God."
I will try to do just that.
Yesterday was our last small group meeting at the prison. Next week this study will end and we will be all together. I want to give you some quotes from our time together.
Me: How was your week?
R: Every day above ground is a good day.
T: This body is just a temporary shelter.
Me: I have loved being in here with y'all and getting to know you. I know I look like the middle of an Oreo cookie in here. (They are all African American.)
V: No, Miss June. You are a treasure.
T: God sent you to us.
And with that I cried and was so thankful to be the one in that room that day.
May the Lord be glorified in our most difficult times, in our most difficult places, and may we realize that we are made clean by His blood.
I did not mean to make this about me, except, yes, this is about me. Maybe you as well.
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