Me in This Moment

I don't often write about my inner feelings and the day's list of things to do or my heartaches...simply because you have heartaches too - and inner thoughts - and probably a list waaay longer than mine. I often think "if you write that, you will regret putting it into words and making this post about you." And then I push the delete button and sigh a sigh of relief.
Today I am taking a chance and putting some of me in this post. It is now 10:30 Thursday morning, and I am still in my pjs, sitting up in bed.  I NEVER do this.  I was supposed to have my mom at a medical procedure, but someone else wanted to take her and so Tommy and I agreed to sleep in. Even though I woke at 7 something, I am staying in bed until I read my devotionals and write to my brother.
My brother is in prison for a few years (I have shared this in previous posts) and the guidelines for writing him are simple.  Plain notebook or computer paper, no stickers or fun stuff, full return address with full name, and whatever I write will be read and checked before he ever sees it.  I am allowed to send photos and printed articles.  I can email him though a website, but he can't answer.  These emails are limited in length, but the allotments are generous.  I pay the cost of a stamp for each email.  I digress.
He prefers a written letter he can read and reread.  You would think that someone who likes to write as I do could find much to say.  Finding time is the problem.  Sometimes I draw pictures in my letter. For Christmas, I drew a wrapped package and told him there was a steak inside.  He liked that.  For his birthday, I drew him a cake with a thousand candles on it...cuz that is how old he is.  I try to make him smile.
ANYWAAAY.
My pastor husband asked me to speak at a Valentine's Banquet on the 13th.  "Really?" I replied. "You are asking me NOW with little over a week to go?"  I panicked.  I try not to say no to him, simply because he rarely throws me to the wolves plus I know God will help me.  If you could see my life right now.  It's a mess.  I mean literally a mess.  Everything in my head has leaked out onto the
surfaces around me.  I took a picture to show you.  Even Tommy said, "Wow, you are worse than me" and I had to agree. Sigh.

This is exactly how it looks now.  I just walked in and took a picture and came back to the bedroom...which has a similar look.

See the Pilgim's Progress folder in the foreground?  I start that class tonight. ( I have read that book many times, so I feel I have a head start on that one.)  The valentines on the tray are homemade as it is my preference and joy to make them. Still, the mess is there and unfinished. They are for my Sunday School class party, which is this week - another thing to prepare for.
My sister-in-law just called me.  This is rare...not because we do not talk, but because it is morning and she has her own business to run, and well, it just is.  But God.  I love those words.  He used her to speak some words of wisdom to me regarding a heartache of mine.  She had no idea how timely her call was, but God knew.  He knows our deepest hurts and he knows we fumble through life sometimes as we deal with relationships and situations beyond our control....and in some cases, we choose not to deal at all.
I wish there was a book for ________________ (fill in the blank.)  Oh, right.  There is.  It is God's word. Finding your specific problem might be difficult, but the answers to it are clear.  I can't do what I don't know to do, but am I doing what I do know?
Well, right now I do know that I must finish the goal I set for myself.  Productivity is the key to order in my messes.  If I never get up, nothing will change.  Hmmm.  It will happen...eventually.
I recently wrote about slowing down.  That is why I am still in bed.  Smile.