It isn't until I am bare of all I know I am - or think I am -and all the attachments are gone and I stand 'naked' before God...
It isn't until all that is familiar has left me and I've nothing to lean on, no one beside me and my hands are empty...
It isn't until then that God can show me who I really am apart from Him. I am nothing. I just don't see it until I am laid waste. I must be reminded that my surroundings - including people - do not dictate who I am.
Only my soul will remain standing when all else is gone. I mean ALL ELSE.
The depths of despair have been mine recently. It is God alone who showed me mercy as I went before Him. In life, I often become whatever the moment calls for me to be. Please tell me this is true for you, too. I am a listener, counselor, fixer, "go-fer", taxi driver, care taker, lover, nurse, baby sitter, and more. These words describe what I do, but not who I am.
What motives do I have when doing these things? What attitudes? What thoughts? Mine have been less than admirable lately. They give testimony to the fact that my heart is black with sin and selfishness. Scripture is true when it reveals that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them?
I found myself 'lost' this week. That looks like a funny sentence, but it is true. I lost me. Only the Lord could pierce my heart, seer it, remove the dross, grip it like no other could, and bring its contents to light that I might acknowledge my own ugliness and confess it as such.
Thank you, Jesus, for loving me enough to remind me Whose I really am. That those You love, You chasten. I would love for my insides to reflect Your love and kindness all the time, but I am not there, yet. Please continue to work on my stubborn will. Mold me, even when it hurts. Eventually, I will quit fighting.
Pressing on, June
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