We have recently made some changes in our household. They were not made out of necessity, but stemmed from conviction in the heart. Sometimes when we are forced to do something, bitterness and resentment set in. This was an awakening. A renewal of spirit and a willingness to shake our rugs of 'the mundane and routine' and really decide to operate differently...way differently. I wish I could express the joy and contentment I have experienced from letting go.
It all began when Tommy and I were discussing finances. (Lest you think we be needy, we ain't.) That is the point. We are fine and extremely blessed. We want for nothing. I had been convicted for some time by the fact that I was not living sacrificially. I denied myself nothing. Don't get me wrong...I don't care about diamonds or luxury, but in my world of ordinary living, I did as I pleased. If I wanted a burger, I went and got one. If I wanted some ice cream, I drove through and bought it. (Notice how I name the food items first. Very telling.) If I wanted to repaint my kitchen for the fiftieth time, I did. I became sick and tired of my never ending fulfillment of my own list of desires - be they big or small - and the conviction was growing daily.
(Let me just say right here that I do not like writing "I" so much, but this is all about me, so please allow me this self-focused revelation story. I promise the next post will be different.)
So... I went to my husband and confessed my self indulgence. I recognized that I had not been a very good helpmeet to him in this area. I asked him to forgive me and I asked God to forgive me. It would take some time to let go of regrets, but not too long because God's mercies are new every day. He is all about new beginnings. I love that.
Tommy agreed with me. There is no way he was as guilty as I was, but we were one in our resolve to change. We just want to be better stewards of what God give us.
The first thing we did was cancel all television. We did not have cable, but just paid for basic. We let it go, and kept internet only, enabling us to watch Netflix and Amazon if we so desire. The next thing we did was sell my car. That is an amazing story in itself because we thought we owed more than it was worth. Tommy took it back to the dealer, who would give us X amount...and leave us still owing. He declined that offer and went to another place that sells used. They gave us MORE than was owed! He was shocked at their offer. God is so good. This was confirmation to us that we were on the right track.
I took inventory of my wardrobe in all of its glory. It really isn't glory at all....just a billion tee shirts, shoes, and purses. Yes, I am exaggerating, but my discovery was: If I did not buy another piece of clothing, pair of shoes, purse, or jewelry until the day I died, I'd be fine...though I might have a need for undies. Tee Hee. So, that aside, I turned my focus to 'things'. So many dishes, picture frames, candles, and more. I donated my excess to my friend's garage sale and told her to keep the proceeds. I did not want to benefit from this purge. That was not my purpose at all.
I can honestly say that I have not felt this free and full of certainty of direction in years. I did not even know I wasn't free until I took the first step. I yielded to the conviction.
We think twice before each purchase. We say, 'no' to ourselves alot more...especially me. My house is cleaner and uncluttered. I am still making changes and modifying my lifestyle...to meet His approval. This is a door that will remain open. I see new things on the horizon. Thank the Lord for His patience with me. Thank Him for not leaving me where I was. I am free.
P.S. I am going to try to journal ( Oh, yes....I have a box full of unused journals under the bed I forgot about!) all of the blessings that come from this. There have already been more than we imagined. Our God is big. He doesn't ask for much...just everything we own.
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