Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."
That's what we get from the fall in the garden. That word desire means that we desire to rule over our husbands, to be the boss, to be in control and then the verse goes on to say that he will rule over us. But...what if he's no good at it? What if we are better rulers? What if he yields his throne to us out of laziness?
All that glitters in that crown isn't gold. While learning to be more of an Indian and less of a Chief, my desire to rule can quickly creep back in out of sheer fear. Yielding control is a very scary thing. (As I am typing this, it strikes me that rule rhymes with fool and mule. Sheer and fear rhyme, too. I'm just saying.)
Being a somewhat educated woman (I can rhyme words), my own logic had served me well for most of my days. I thought I knew how to best maneuver through my child-rearing years. Living for Christ to me meant that appearance mattered. That was the first lie I told myself. If looks are what mattered, then I could make that happen, but doing it without regard to issues in the heart is fatal. Why did I think that good works came from pure hearts? Why did I believe that the cover of a book really told the story inside?
The second lie was that my kids would know by osmosis all that I knew - from my own mistakes - and would thus make good choices. Conviction is from the Lord. It is a good and righteous thing. If you keep someone from feeling guilt or experiencing the consequences of his/her sin, you are only prolonging pain and hindering his/her ability to feel remorse and come to repentance. You are enabling him/her to repeat the offenses without regret.
The third lie I believed was that I loved God more than anything. I had been taught and had read books that listed what my priorities should be: First - God. Second - husband, third - children, church and ministry next and on down the line, as I weighed out all the things in my life. So often we catagorize our manmade agendas with little regard to the One we set in first place. It all looks great to us and our lists have merit based on our human reasoning. However, there really needs to be but one entry on the list: God - first, last, and everything inbetween.
Isaiah 44:6 Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts: "I am the first and I am the last; besides me there is no god."
If God is first in our lives, then all else falls into place and those places will change from time to time. People get sick, people die, children grow up and leave home, emergencies occur, jobs are lost, our attentions are required in all directions, and any number of unwanted expectations can force our perfect agendas into complete chaos. If however, first place belongs to God, we can handle the changes that come...all of them, all the time. The problem is, we are not sure what first place really means.
Nothing takes priority in our lives without love being at the center...whether it's love of self, or love of another, or better yet, the love of the Lord Jesus. So, where is your love? Jesus teaches us in Matthew that where our treasure is, there our hearts will be. We say with our lips that we love Him first, when actually our actions speak volumes against that claim. So I had to ask myself if I really loved God the way I said I did. Was He my treasure? The Holy Spirit began to pierce my soul with conviction and truth. Christ was not my number one priority. I wanted it to be true so I could believe the best of myself, but there is no best of myself and it was not true...not all the time.
Admitting this was the first step in being honest about my relationship with the Lord. In repentance I asked God to help me love Him more and to know Who He is. Jesus saved me with His great and perfect love from God's great and perfect wrath and I gave Him bits and pieces in return. I wanted with all my heart to know God. He was/is my Savior, but believing that does not automatically mean that I knew Him and loved Him as I should.
My friend Marcy suggested that I read Psalms and write down the attributes of God that I found in each chapter. So I bought a notebook and grabbed a pen. I started in the fall of 2014. I finished Psalms and went on to read Hosea, then 1,2,3 John, and Jude, writing down God's attributes in each book. I am currently in Isaiah. God of the universe is teaching me about Himself. He wants me to know Him. He wants you to know Him, too.
Luke 10:27 And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself."
I am saving that neighbor part for another post. I'm still learning to love my Lord with all my heart. It is working, though. It's amazing that He loved me in the first place...so I will return the love and give Him first place, and the middle, and the last.
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