Enabling: Good, Bad, or Both?

 

This subject crosses my path frequently.  When does helping someone become something negative and nonproductive?  How does a person know when investing time, money, and effort has grown into a hindrance of the recipient's maturity, delaying the imminent call for a change?  When should consequences be allowed to fall?
Let me say right here - I do not know.  I have observed parents making decisions for grown children, and grown children having to take over decision making for their parents all with good intentions, but so often with uninvited advice.  The line is unclear, and probably crossed more times than it should be.  It is frequently hidden behind what some would mistakenly call love.  It isn't love to keep someone from growing up and reaching his/her full potential in life.  One who is slow to embrace adulthood or responsibility might resist the challenge to break free and experience the pains of life, but the one who is wise enough to observe the reluctance and act at the right time will later be thanked.  It takes wisdom to know how to maneuver and encourage such undertakings.  Scripture reminds us -
2 Thessalonians 3:10  For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. 
Enabling usually has a less than positive definition.  The enabled love being enabled and the enabler might get a sense of purpose in enabling...resulting in co-dependency.  The enabler feels needed and the enabled takes advantage of their need to do so, and the cycle begins without anyone realizing it.  The pattern is set and will soon grow to be distasteful to all involved, including onlookers.
Helping others so that they might learn to help themselves is always rewarding.  Knowing when to step away is key...and there is a time when one must step away.  Most people desire independence, but may be unaware of their own capabilities until someone comes alongside and draws out their strengths.  A simple nudge or word of encouragement might steer one to venture out.
Dealing with the aged is another area where enabling might be necessary, though unwanted.  Losing independence can be so difficult.  Even when assistance is necessary. it is not always appreciated.  Caregivers live this. The extended hand is often the bitten hand.  It is a beautiful picture when both are in agreement of the inevitable and can share sweet moments of collaborating comfort in the latter years of life or maybe your hand extends to one younger whose need is greater than what they themselves can accomplish.
Proverbs 16:31  Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.
If you find yourself falling into any of the categories above, you will need help in knowing when to step back, take some down time and rest, or accept help from a friend/relative.  Be sure to seek advice from wise counsel - one that will be honest and not tell you only what you want to hear.
God gave us consciences.  Rightly informing them will help alleviate the guilt that will come as we back away - temporarily or permanently - from what we are so used to doing.  Therein lies the challenge in discerning where and when to change your habits which might change the habits of another.  Just know that not all good works are good works.
Colossians 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.