Finding Jewels On the Beach

No, I did not find lost jewels as I walked Galveston's shoreline.  I found something worth much more. We have been on sabbatical for almost two months. For the first three weeks we made 'out of state' visits to see two of our children and our time with them was precious and good.  It was upon returning home that things went south...really south. I want to share it because we all go through difficult, rebellious days.  It even feels good and right to do so.  At the end of it all, I wrote down my personal insights and while they were nothing earth shattering, maybe they were jewels, after all.

When I went on my journey, God went with me.  Every choice I made was measured  by what He might want me to do.  My decisions were my own, but all of them were based on His call on my life. I was physically absent from what I can only call normal as we travelled from Texas to Utah to Ohio. It was a break from routine, for sure. The Lord was my constant - the anchor that helped me discern how best to serve my family.  We laughed through the memory making and I was able to read, write, and rest. My longing to be with my children had been somewhat appeased as we boarded the last plane for Texas.
Upon returning home, 'norm' showed up with its demands at my door and I ignored it and rejected it. "No," I almost said aloud, "not yet!"
"When?" it silently asked as that word fell on deaf ears. My ears were shut to routine and to God as well - the same God, Who went with me every step of the way and home again so I could resume His purposes for me here.  Only I did not like my purpose anymore.  Breathing different air had been a balm I did not realize I needed.  Vacations can be taxing, too.  I was exhausted, but in a good way - only so very reluctant to return to duty. "We. Are. Still. On. Sabbatical." I would say to myself.  How very selfish I felt inside...and ungrateful.
Someone generously gave us three days on the beach in Galveston not long after our last getaway. Again, my choices were mine to make, but there was no one else around, (except Tommy) to press in on my coveted seclusion.  It was like a salve to my soul. We walked on the shore every morning and evening. Often Tommy would sit and read as I steered myself toward the east and took off in search of oddities. (Believe me, they are there.)

There was no one in sight as far as I could see in either direction, so I could freely talk aloud with God.  The stain of selfishness made me ill and I did not want to remain in this condition. Sometimes we are prodigals of our everyday activities out of our need for spontaneity. Nothing wrong with that. I was however, rejecting His plan for me.
As I walked and talked, hot tears began to roll down my cheeks. He had given me this moment.  He planned to meet me here all along.  I was in real rebellion and He just kept blessing me.  God loved me through my self-centeredness and taught me more about Who He is.

I saw the never ending waves that broke relentlessly against the seashore, reshaping it again and again.  Sandpipers searched for food, sticking their beaks into the sand as the water retreated. Seaweed surrendered its life to the beach and the wind's constant gusts across the gulf would return again tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that.  God allowed me to see His handiwork all around me.  When I thought obedience would mean losing these moments of freedom, He showed me that the only bondage that held me captive was of my own making.

Sandpiper territory

His perfect design for me was freedom all along.  We are not free unless we are submitted to the Lord's best for us...not with eyes scrunched tightly and head nodding slowly, but with the peace that comes with a yielded heart, knowing that the Sovereign One can be trusted.
God could have disciplined me with a stern hand in order to get my attention.  I like this way better. Love is also a chastening tool.  It moves mountains.  The biggest ones lie in the heart of man.  I am on a new journey now: To love others to Christ - even when I disagree with everything they are doing, and how they may be acting.  I'm just gonna see what Love can do.  It worked on me.