I Am So Unholy

I am reading The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges.  Little did I know what effect it would have on me when Tommy suggested this book for a summer study. Let's just say that with knowledge comes accountability and the responsibility to act on what has been learned. Let's also say that I am undone...completely.  I have been slapped in the face so many times while reading this book that my DNA is surely on every page.  Both shame and pain that pierces the heart have been my companions throughout my read.

Holiness is required for those who call themselves Believers. Through Christ's death on the cross, we have His righteousness, but we are to pursue holiness daily with diligence and purpose.
2 Timothy 2:22  So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
It sounds so unattainable to me, but God wouldn't call me to do something without giving me what I need to do it.  Surely if He knows me at all, He would see the futility in that. 

So often we find ourselves striving for everything BUT holiness. Why?  Because there is no one to stop us from making decisions that lead us astray. We have choices.  We can ignore the Holy Spirit that speaks to our hearts every day, telling us what is good and right and perfect, but perhaps we don't recognize those things best for us because we also ignore our bibles.  It's all in there - everything we need to discern right from wrong, good from best.  While I try to be steadfast in my reading and studying of God's Word, if I'm not applying what I read, then what's the point?
If we call ourselves Christians, but continue to ignore His prompting, then perhaps there is a bigger issue at stake.  Maybe there is no salvation to begin with. If we are making choices according to how we feel or what we desire, our efforts for holiness stand little a chance.  Our wills must be involved and our minds must be informed correctly on what is most pleasing to God.  If left to those emotions and wants, we are doomed.  At least I am.

This book addresses the whole body - from the physical to the mental to the spiritual and back.  So, I have decided to travel a narrower path than the easy road I have been on for awhile now. (My will is involved in this or I will surely fail.) Concerning my body, I have joined a gym and started a diet. Concerning my mind, I am focusing on the things Paul tells us to think on and choosing not to be critical or negative in my thoughts. Concerning my emotions I've discovered that if my face is toward the Lord, the problems around me lose their hold on my heart. Concerning desires - I am steering them to categories of 'need' vs. 'no need'.
I have a ways to go for sure, but this book is a game changer as it reminds me that I was bought with a price and am not my own. (Thank the Lord. I am awful on my own.)
1 Corinthians 6:20  For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 

Two Rulers in Our Hearts

There is, I hope, a fraction of maturity in admitting that my heart still deceives me...even as old age would have me hope that the wickedness in me might be abolished with time.  If only.

While sin's presence will never be found before the throne of God, it can and does dwell side by side with truth after salvation where Goodness defeats evil at its source...the heart.  While deception is a byproduct, it isn't permanently dominant. There is a battle that takes place daily.

We must be filled with God's Word and His Spirit that we might suffocate the darkness.  We can consciously choose which impetus will drive us. We are designed for worship. That is it. That is our reason for living.

Aside from worshiping our Lord God, we also at times love and worship ourselves. How easily and naturally do our desires, pleasures, and those things that make us comfortable creep in and take over first place.

Thankfully, my own weaknesses can't dictate whether or not God is on His throne.  He forever and faithfully reigns. He will have no other gods before Himself. His eternal rule is not dependent on how good or worthy I may be, or how sinful I am.

Wickedness in my heart can only exist because I allow it. O Lord Jesus, help me to be faithful in Your sight.